First let me say that I have never had a test for Lyme disease, for if I am correct about my diagnosis, I contracted it over 30 years before most people, including doctors, had ever even heard of it. In fact, by the time Lyme disease became a well-known illness, I had already healed it through my spiritual practice. I believe I contracted Lyme disease when I was 19 years-old during a 2000 mile bicycle trip. Before I left, I had had an unhappy childhood with a mentally ill mother with no ambition and little insight into the emotional needs of her daughter, or anyone else, for that matter. Though she criticized me constantly, I was mostly neglected and left alone to sort out my own life. For a shy, repressed adolescent, this was no small task. Fortunately, I was never physically or sexually abused. Except for the fact that my father never protected me from my mother’s constant criticism or told me that her outrageous behavior was not my fault, I had a great dad whom I loved and who did give me the affection I craved. I tell you this, not because it has anything to do with Lyme disease, per se, but because these factors are of paramount importance when it comes to understanding why healing emotional trauma is a key factor when it comes to healing any disease.
Compared to a lot of people, my childhood was pretty mediocre. After having counseled others for years as a Marriage and Family Therapist, I know that many people suffered from a much worse childhood than mine. So terrible, in fact, that I don’t know how they survived it. If my mediocre childhood had such a devastating impact on me, how much worse would be the effect of a really bad one? In truth, many people do not survive their childhood, for their childhood trauma creates the conditions that imprison them with the self-sabotaging behaviors that produce their self-destruction. This is frequently created through an addictive behavior. It may take years for that destruction to fully unfold, but eventually it will. This destiny will only be modified when one finds both the motivation and will to disentangle themselves from their past and set themselves free.
Before I left on my bicycle trip at the age of 19, I was consciously aware of wanting to create an experience that was challenging. I wanted to pit myself against the elements, persevere, and overcome. In 1971, I did that by riding my bike with another friend from Los Angeles to New Orleans and from New Orleans to Omaha, Nebraska. It was the perfect venue for my life’s purpose to begin its unfolding. Having been raised without any spirituality, and with no concept of God, I began what was to become an intensely spiritual experience. One might call it an initiation, a crossing of sorts, from adolescence into adulthood, in which the healer in me would be inoculated with the disease it would take me 37 years to fully understand and heal.
My initial symptoms were classic. A few weeks after returning from my trip I experienced flu-like symptoms with the requisite neck-ache and headache that is so common in Lyme disease. Than all my major joints of knee, hip and shoulder swelled, making it impossible for me to get a good night's sleep because I would have to continuously turn from side to side when the pain got too bad. I was diagnosed by a physician with Rheumatoid Arthritis when I was 20, which made absolutely no sense to me. After, I’d just been healthy enough to ride my bike half way across America, how could I now be so ill? Since I knew nothing about Rheumatoid Arthritis, I decided to find out nothing, ignore this diagnosis, and simply live with the symptoms until they went away. I did this because, at that time, I believed that a healthy diet, adequate sleep and exercise would heal anything. Although important, I have since discovered that it takes far more than this to heal a disease as devastating as Lyme disease. However, this decision did have positive benefit, for I believe it kept me away from the pharmaceuticals that would have made my sensitive body even worse.
I was infected with B burgdofori in 1972, three years before Lyme disease was officially given its name. Lyme disease was named after a town in Lyme, Connecticut where numerous people, including children, came down with what was believed to be Rheumatoid Arthritis, but was later identified as a tick borne illness. I was bitten by two ticks while on my bicycle trip in the beautiful wilderness area of the Ozark Mountains in Missouri. Since I had grown up in the concrete jungle of LA, at that time I was completely ignorant of ticks and what they could do. I did not experience a bulls-eye rash, nor did I have any immediate symptoms. They did not begin until I returned from my bicycle trip and had resumed normal life and was once again sleeping in a soft bed. I was also faced with what every young adult is faced with, which is the monumental task of figuring out how to make a living without having any particular skills to do so.
My disease went into remission numerous times during the next few years. When it would return, it was always heralded by swollen lymph nodes making me feel like I had been beaten-up, as well as horrendous migraine headaches, which at first weren‘t continuous, but later on became so. My joints would then swell and I would experience pain, making it impossible for me to raise my arms over my head without difficulty. Eventually, I got to the point where I was pretty much in pain all the time. Not only my joints ached, but I ached all over. I had a particular pain between my shoulder blades which never went away.
Massage and hot tubs helped, but never for long. Though painful, I continued to exercise, believing that if I stopped I’d lose the use of my joints entirely. Although anything having to do with my joints was painful, rebounding was my favorite exercise as it was energizing, but not too strenuous. It also allowed me to rhythmically lift my arms above my head and swivel my hips. As rebounding is not hard on the joints, I believe it was the perfect exercise for me at that time. In fact, I still rebound to this day as I find it very enjoyable. In addition, rebounding fully oxygenates the body and circulates the lymph, which was probably also quite helpful.
As the years trudged by, I found a partner and had three children in four years. It was then that my life-long allergies erupted into unremitting bronchitis that lasted for two years. I felt completely worn-out and exhausted. Though I worked full-time as an elementary school teacher and helped my partner build a house, I have no idea how I did it, for I was always in pain. I guess by that time I had just gotten so used to the pain and suffering I thought it was normal. It never even occurred to me to complain about it. In the 1980’s no one talked about Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, or chronic fatigue, all of which I probably could have been diagnosed with.
It was also during this time I found out about my food and pollen sensitivities. These reactions over-stimulated my immune system, causing me to sneeze continuously. I had all the classic symptoms of hay fever, except that my symptoms never went away and had nothing to do with the seasons. I also got one cold after another. The pattern was to catch a cold that would become bronchitis, which would take six or eight weeks to go away, then to feel relatively OK for one or two weeks before the allergic rhinitis would set in again. Within a week or two, I’d catch another cold. It didn’t help that, at that time, I was an elementary school teacher who was constantly dealing with runny-nosed kids who coughed and sneezed all over me. My immune system was shot, and so were my adrenals.
Though I removed the foods I was told (via blood test) that I was sensitive to, my symptoms never improved. I think that was because the test was limited and all my reactive foods weren’t identified. That wasn’t to happen for another 15 years. In my thirties, I was so ignorant about everything I’ve written about on this website, I didn’t even know enough to question my doctor about what foods the test included.
Since doctors were completely unhelpful I rarely went to them. However, during this time I became somewhat of an amateur homeopath and began to dose myself with a variety of remedies, most of which didn’t do much. However, one remedy in particular was miraculous. It was a high potency form of calcium carbonate. Its impact was immediate. Even before the pellets melted in my mouth I began to have an asthma attack. After only a few seconds of this, my sinuses drained and I felt a cool sensation in my face where before I had felt hot inflammation. My cough quickly improved. From that day to this I have never again had anything that remotely resembles a cough or allergic rhinitis (hay fever). However, the pain and inflammation in my joints that came and went, and the unremitting pain between my shoulder blades remained unchanged.
After my first child was born, my relationship with my partner began to crumble, but that didn’t prevent us from having two more children, which came in quick succession. There are many reasons why our relationship failed, but mostly it has to do with the fact that, like most of our peers, we were both emotionally and spiritually immature. Since neither of us had been raised by spiritual parents, we were both devoid of any concept of God or higher power. We both felt highly victimized by life and it was customary for us to blame our unhappiness on the other. Neither of us examined our own shadows or consciously chose to evolve our character by becoming better people.
Not only was I in physical pain from the Lyme disease and in an emotionally immature relationship with my partner that strangely resembled the relationship I had had with my mother, I was also worn-out from childbearing, allergic rhinitis, and joint pain, as well as being over-worked and over-burdened with responsibilities. Add to that the fact that I had no spiritual sustenance what-so-ever, it is not surprising that I became very depressed and very, very ill. If this sounds overwhelming to you, it is, but many of my clients shared lives with me that were just as dysfunctional as mine.
My partner and I separated when our youngest child was two, leaving me alone to alternately be either a single parent of three children under the age of six, or mourning the loss of my children when he took them away for his week of visitation with them. Both of these experiences were emotionally devastating to me. Though I was in no condition to take care of three little children in a half-finished house alone, I also hated being without them. However, it was this set of circumstances that brought me to my knees and caused me to say the first prayer of my entire life, which was: “if you are there God, you must send me a guide, for I don’t know how to find you.” With that prayer, my life changed forever.
As I had no concept of God, the dawning upon my mind of what had hitherto been unimaginable was quite an ecstatic experience. I was thirty-eight years old, so by then I had suffered from Lyme disease for 18 years. Though I won’t go into the details, suffice it to say that over the next few months and years, I fell madly in love with God. I received my primary education from a wonderful book called A Course in Miracles. I then began to study a new-age form of Shamanism called Alchemical Hypnotherapy. After that I met my teacher, Lazaris, and took dozens of workshops from him, as well as listened to dozens of his tapes. For the first time ever I was fed spiritual food that fulfilled my ravenous hunger to know the truth about who I am. I could not get enough of it. I wanted to know everything about the divine, to be filled to over-flowing by this information, and by the rapturous love I felt for the very first time in my entire life.
It was at the Lazaris workshops that I received the healing that I sought. In fact, it was Lazaris who taught me what healing consisted of and how to do it. It was through his teaching that I learned about LOVE in all its radiance and splendor. And it was Lazaris who taught me how to value myself, love myself, and find the self-confidence that my mother had stolen from me during her years of continuous condemnation when I was a child. From Lazaris I was fed spiritual food from the hand of a truly mature consciousness. He had the ability to draw out of me the maturity I lacked, the wisdom I sought, and the understanding I needed to live a fully empowered life. He helped me discover myself and through his continual nurturing and care, I was given insight into my life’s purpose and the courage to live a life that felt meaningful to me.
How did he do all that, you might ask? By teaching those of us who participated in his workshops the basics of reality creation, and by constantly encouraging us to persevere. It was through Lazaris that I began to understand the effect my mediocre childhood had on me. I was also shown how I had been limited by erroneous beliefs that weren’t true. These beliefs were not only given me by my parents but by my education and the culture at large.
Trauma, be it emotional, mental, spiritual, or physical has a devastating impact on the human soul. It not only damages the brain, but also the electromagnetics of our physical organism. This damage can be paralyzing and long-lasting. The negative, self-limiting beliefs such unhealed trauma generates can so diminish our potential that we lose our vision and thus the capacity to receive the inner guidance that can help us successfully navigate our lives.
Workshop by workshop, I was given the information that set me free from my self-imposed prison of ignorance and low-self-esteem that had been my inheritance. From my work as a therapist, I have come to understand that my problem is everyone’s problem. The biggest enemy that any of us face as adults is a treacherous inner voice, internalized from childhood, that feeds us lies and pollutes us with toxic thoughts and painful emotions that produce our self-destruction. This alone can kill us, but when you add to this heavy metals, unnatural environmental pollution, deranged food, pharmaceutical and recreational drugs and alcohol, and electromagnetic pollution that causes the microorganisms we have always lived in harmony with to thrive, you’ve got a recipe for complete disaster.
For those of you who don’t know, Lazaris is a channeled being of enormous magnitude. He has been channeling through one man named Jach Pursel since the early seventies. He seems to know everything about reality creation, but more important, he is also a master healer who has the ability to guide you into healing yourself. Of course, he and your higher self and other unseen friends do their part when necessary, by healing you energetically in ways that you, alone, are not capable of doing. It was through the work of Lazaris and my unseen friends that I received multiple healings. Most of these healings had to do with shifts in my consciousness that allowed me to see my life and the world in which I lived in a totally different light. However, I received two healings that most people would consider to be miraculous. This was the healing of that awful pain I had between my shoulder blades, and the joint pain that I had suffered from for over twenty-five years.
During a Lazaris workshop the majority of time was spent simply listening to Lazaris give us information about reality creation. Mostly he talked about how we create our reality through unconscious beliefs we don’t know we have, how devastating these unconscious, erroneous beliefs are, and what we needed to do to change them. However, we also talked about past lives and the impact they could be having on this one. In general, we discussed victim consciousness and how it has arisen over hundreds of years because of the domination mentality we’ve all been stuck in for over two mellenia. Because of this paradigm we’ve lived in a dog-eat-dog world that has been extremely abusive and very destructive to the human soul.
The first physical pain I healed was the pain that had existed between my shoulder blades. In that workshop, Lazaris discussed the wounding of the soul, and what he referred to as the soul’s path. Lazaris not only gave us information during his workshops, he also guided us through several visualizations designed to foster our relationship with our higher selves as we excavated deep emotional information from our unconscious minds. As a trained hypnotherapist, I loved working in this format, which I took to like a duck takes to water. This is highly imaginative work that is always done in an altered state of consciousness.
In this particular workshop, while in an altered state I “remembered” a very traumatic experience that I had when I was 18 years old. Though I won’t go into the details, suffice it to say that once it happened, the course of my life changed forever. Though I have had many traumatic experiences in my life, the wounding of the soul is exceptional. It always takes place in adolescence, and it always has something to do with your life’s purpose that is forever altered after it happens. The life’s purpose is never again regained until the wounding of the soul is consciously healed. Since every human soul incarnates with a life’s purpose, to lose it is emotionally devastating. The meditation in which I relived my wounding and realized the consequences was also emotionally intense. I cried and cried as though my heart would break.
The great thing about Lazaris is that he has the ability to do energetic work on workshop participants during meditations. He and our unseen friends also worked on us energetically during the lectures and sometimes at night in the dream state. I would always have emotionally intense dreams during those workshops. That night, without asking, I was visited by Lazaris and my unseen friends who decided to work on the pain between my shoulder blades. Though I wasn’t fully conscious, I was aware enough to understand that there were several beings with me, which was not something I was unfamiliar with as this had happened to me numerous times since my awakening in 1987.
Though I cannot say exactly what Lazaris and my unseen friends were doing, I can report my perception of what they were doing. Because of the intense trauma I experienced during the wounding of my soul, I had blown some kind of energetic fuse that caused one of the meridians that went through my body to dislocate itself. Instead of going up and out through the top of my head, at the level of my shoulder blades it got rerouted through my right arm. It seems as though they worked on me for a long time to right this wrong, but since time is distorted when one is an altered state, it may only have taken a few minutes.
The aftermath of this experience was a flooding of deep emotional pain that seemed like a bottomless pit. I cried for days, not deep sobs, but a continuous leakage of tears from my eyes that I could not stop. Once the tears were dry I zoomed into ecstasy, feeling like I was walking with angels and certain that I was the luckiest person on the face of the earth. My love and gratitude for Lazaris and my unseen helpers was boundless and without end. The best part is that I have never experienced that pain between my shoulder blades again.
In order to fully heal, it is paramount to heal your destructive inner-voice. In my case that voice was self-abusive. In fact, I was far crueler to myself than my mother had ever been. Because my primary care provider, my mother, had never shown me love or affection, I felt continuously shamed. Shame is a feeling of being flawed. The flaw extends to every atom of your being. Like a cake that has been incorrectly made with a cup or two of salt rather than sugar, the only remedy for the flaw is self-destruction.
Because shame hurts, we do a variety of things to deal with the pain. We will do one of two things, either internalize our pain as self-hatred, like I did, or we will project our hatred onto others, thus becoming an abuser who feels justified in abusing others for their flaws. We also addict ourselves to pain medication. For most people this comes in the form of recreational drugs and/or alcohol, but many also addict themselves to food, sugar, and pharmaceuticals. We also numb ourselves with activities that distract us, such as gambling, shopping, or even working. We watch TV or play our computer games. Sex is also a big numbing device, so we find our pleasures where we can.
In my case, I became addicted to the endorphins released when I was depressed. Endorphins are natural pain killers 100 times more powerful than morphine. In order to release them, I had to be mean to myself by being verbally abusive. This abuse particularly surfaced when I made a mistake. Some people also become physically self-abusive, depriving themselves of food, or cutting themselves. This is an example of shame in action. Since shame is not normal to the human soul, it is always given us by others.
On the night I was healed of my joint pain, I was being guided through a healing meditation at another Lazaris workshop. Because of the topic of the evening, I had finally gotten it that I really deserved to be healed. It was as if something inconceivable had finally dawned upon my mind that was utterly and completely true and undeniable. I was awe struck. I, the flawed one, DESERVED to be healed. As I asked for the healing of my joint pain, I was made to understand that just because I occasionally made mistakes I was still very much loved and utterly and tenderly cared for by my unseen friends who would never abandon me. Again, this was a deeply emotional experience for me, accompanied by many tears. Instantly, I began to feel a deep and intense heat that radiated throughout my entire body. I felt as though I was burning up from the inside out. This burning sensation lasted for several minutes. I actually began to sweat. Then it was over. I was not to know that I had been completely healed of joint pain until it disappeared a few days later, never to return. Since I was unaware I had it, neither did I know I had been healed of Lyme disease until I began my research on this illness fifteen years later.
I’m wondering if you get the connection between my inner belief, at the age of 42, that I was undeserving of love and healing, (a belief I was completely unconscious of, I might add), and my early childhood experience of an unloving mother who was critical and emotionally abusive? These early emotionally-driven beliefs are created at a time when we are not yet conscious and mature enough to understand that the abusive behavior of others isn’t our fault and actually has nothing to do with us. Someone who deals with their shame by projecting it onto others doesn’t need much of an excuse to inflict pain on what they perceive to be the source of their unhappiness. Because children make endless “mistakes” according to adult standards, and because they are naturally disempowered, they become easy targets.
The detrimental and unconscious beliefs created out of childhood trauma hang-out inside of us for decades motivating our behavior and creating an endless amount of pain and self-destruction which we manifest in logical ways by drawing destruction to us like a magnet. Healing this core, unconscious belief of being undeserving became the gateway for fully healing my lifelong depression. In fact, it became the gateway for healing my entire life and ending my co-dependence with pain. I suspect that healing shame is at the core of all healing, and it doesn’t matter whether you have internalized your hatred or projected it onto others.
So this is my story - a rather unorthodox way to heal Lyme disease, but a highly effective one. However, all my physical symptoms were not yet gone, and others came over the years for a variety of reasons. Although, via electro dermal screening, I discovered all the foods I reacted to in 2004 and learned to scrupulously avoid them, I did not fully heal my lifelong allergies until I had laser treatments in 2009. (See food sensitivity page.) Like many Lyme sufferers, I practiced a gluten/casein/soy/corn free diet for years. In fact, there were twenty-five different foods I avoided entirely. It was during this time that I learned to love juicing and figured out how to adequately nourish myself on a very limited diet. Also, sometime in the late nineties after I had been healed of Lyme disease, I was given an antibiotic by a dentist as a prophylactic after a root canal. After just a few doses of it, I began having terrible stomach aches. It took me nearly fifteen years to figure out how to repair the damage it created. I also had to deal with the damage done to my thyroid when I was irradiated at the age of 6 weeks, and again when I was 32 when I was given radioactive iodine before the doctor would remove a benign tumor that had grown on my thyroid. My very underactive thyroid created a whole different set of issues I have had to learn how to deal with.
Did I ever truly have Lyme disease? Your guess is as good as mine, but I’ve had virtually all of the symptoms at different times in my life and for varying reasons. I believe that the early radiation treatment to my thymus had profound impact on my immune system and on my health my entire life and that I have been coping with the effects of this completely insane allopathic procedure ever since. However, after discovering a Higher Power and being fed spiritual food, which finally allowed me to overcome my low self-esteem and victim consciousness, I became somewhat of a spiritual warrior with an indomitable will to succeed. By improving my thinking and healing my belief system, I have been able to overcome the deficits of my childhood. Though I'm certain I’ll be faced with other health challenges from time to time, I have an arsenal of non-toxic tools I can use to deal with them that I suspect will go a long way in preventing disease and keeping me healthy. As of this writing I feel great, sleep well, exercise regularly, and have an abundance of energy to do the work I came to this planet to do. What more could anyone ask for than a healthy mind, set within a healthy body that has the energy and wherewithal to live a purpose-driven life? Without the consciousness to create health, our lives are diminished. With consciousness comes the responsibility to live our truth so that we can become all that we were created to be.
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